Rant Omnibus

The Rant has to attend to a personal matter before we begin: Hey old man with the knee brace jogging across the street. Those shorts are wildly inappropriate; obscene even. We’ve seen less skin from a Vegas chorus girl. And … Continued

The Rant Artist

The Rant has a new favorite in the celebrity profile category: thousands of words and a portfolio of pictures all centered around the theme of a celebrity declaring he hates all the attention and doesn’t care what you, the voracious … Continued

Rantoon

The Rant occasionally likes to hunker down with the Cartoon Network and watch the Amazing World of Gumball. This program does not appear during the more gonzo Adult Swim on the CN, but rather exists for the kiddies. How this … Continued

Emerald City Rant

The Rant has been to Seattle, and Seattle has become a giant bong. Apparently the new marijuana laws require you to be within fifty feet of a joint at all times. Actually, we discovered smoking weed in public is forbidden … Continued

Exploratory Rant

The Rant has formed an exploratory committee. We have no idea what this means, but everyone else is doing it, and we don’t want to get left behind like we did with the whole K-Pop thing. We love you Super … Continued

Rantdown

The Rant briefly considered a shutdown, but then the bartender quickly caved to our demands for an old-fashioned. That’s the real art of the deal. Know what to ask for and where to ask for it and win every time. … Continued

Third Rant from the Sun

The Rant would like to remind you the Earth does not care one jot or tittle about our existence. Because the Earth abides, dude. Easy come, easy go. The dinosaurs thought they were all that, too. Unless Captain Orange and … Continued

Rant Reborn

The Rant observes: The head ref for the PlayStation-What-Happened-to-our-Tostitos Fiesta Bowl was whiter than a Mormon potluck. And we’re back, baby! Let’s not get all weepy or hurl accusations about our absence. The Rant has to maintain a certain level … Continued

Magic Rant

The Rant would like to know why all World Cup soccer teams appear to have left their day jobs as male models. The Rant had a man crush on the entire Iranian team. Ronaldo is simply an angelic being sent … Continued