Author Archives: Shawn Crawford

Happy Rants Are Here Again

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The Rant would point out that the key word in the phrase “Take America Back” is the last word. American culture has always suffered from a crippling nostalgia that began almost simultaneously with wresting the resources and land of the … Continued

Sporty Rant

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As one of only two licensed rantologists in the United States, we’d like to send a shout out to Kevin Durant, basketball god and delightful enigma, for putting the smackdown on Stephen A. Smith, professional shouter at ESPN, soon to … Continued

A Rant Cometh Before the Fall

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Rant Note: The Rant offers for your seasonal pleasure our fall rant that we have always run in October provided we have the energy to rant. You can ignore the picturesque opening as today the temperature has hit 90 here … Continued

Rant or Die

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Where the hell have we been? We could easily ask you the same. The Rant had a brief Moment during the pandemic: sterling wordplay; burgeoning audience; next-level semi-colon use. Like you, we had dreams, man. Remember that heady afternoon when … Continued

Rant Spike

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The Rant knew that at some point during the pandemic someone would craft the perfect COVID humblebrag. So imagine our excitement when this showed up in the old Twitter feed: Hey, just wanted to let everyone know I found out … Continued

Parallel Duck

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If a duck can look forlorn, the female waddling at the corner of my street appeared so. I recognized her from the park a few blocks over. She and her mate, with a fabulous green head, show up each spring … Continued

Flattening the Rant

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The Rant needs to say what everyone is thinking: if you are involved in the paper-folding arts, and you use more than one piece of paper for your creation, you are not doing origami; if you cut the paper with … Continued

Rant-in-Place

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The Rant has emerged from our self-imposed exile inside a vat of Purell. We briefly considered checking in at the spa for the new tanning bed/Lysol cleanse (with a free coupon to the ICU of your choice!) but decided to … Continued

Pandemic Wisdom

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A toilet paper roll in the hand is worth the five-hundred the clerk swears is arriving in the next delivery. The President has not come to praise America but to bury it. Measure twice, wash your hands sixty-seven times. Early … Continued