Pandemic Definitions

Social Distancing: Crossing to the other side of the street when approached by anyone, instead of just black or brown people. Toilet Paper: A mythical object once believed to exist in plenty, but hunted to extinction like the carrier pigeon. Sober: The … Continued

Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Pandemic

I Wallace Stevens published the poem “Thirteen Ways of Looking at a Blackbird” in 1917. The poem references Connecticut, where Stevens would hunker down as an insurance executive for the rest of his life, handling lawsuits from rejected claims. What … Continued

The Solace of Syrup

I  have need of pancakes, which is to say I have need of a Syrup Delivery System. Not even the Village Inn can botch a short stack, so I head up the street to the one near my house. Carbs … Continued

Rant Delivery

The Rant has a small sample size, but here in Tulsa at the worldwide headquarters, the new Amazon delivery kids seem to really be scrapping. One of our favorite pastimes is following a truck as it wanders helplessly around the … Continued

Pass the Rant

The Rant received an email from God. The subject line informed us that Jesus Smoked Weed. The gist was the Lord wanted us to go thou and do likewise. So many questions. First, doesn’t God seem like more of an … Continued

Rant Queries

The Rant wonders if we could just rename the iPhone the Narcissism Machine. The slo-motion selfie, or slofie, as Apple insists you say as they desperately work to trademark the term, brings self-absorption to dizzying new levels. Hailed as utter … Continued

Rant Squared

The Rant has often proclaimed our appreciation for music all along the edges, from indie rock to Americana to D’Angelo’s abs, we mean his neo soul brown sugar. The Rant can hang with almost any hipster music crowd. But when … Continued

Back Inventory Rant

The Rant apologizes for the long absence; we’ve been waiting in line for a Popeye’s chicken sandwich. Imagine our disappointment when the line got within sight of the building and were informed the sandwich was no more. But The Rant … Continued

This the Rant, Greg

The Rant would like to have a heart-to-heart. First, no matter how you bedazzle, bejewel, or bling that thing, a fanny pack is still a fanny pack. You look like an old man from Boca that just finished looking for … Continued


The Rant recently imagined we had created an analysis of hipsterdom that could be mapped like a Nate Silver electoral projection. If you began at Calliope World Headquarters in Tulsa and radiated outward, hipsters would grow increasingly earnest and humorless … Continued