Rantdown

The Rant briefly considered a shutdown, but then the bartender quickly caved to our demands for an old-fashioned. That’s the real art of the deal. Know what to ask for and where to ask for it and win every time. … Continued

Third Rant from the Sun

The Rant would like to remind you the Earth does not care one jot or tittle about our existence. Because the Earth abides, dude. Easy come, easy go. The dinosaurs thought they were all that, too. Unless Captain Orange and … Continued

Rant Reborn

The Rant observes: The head ref for the PlayStation-What-Happened-to-our-Tostitos Fiesta Bowl was whiter than a Mormon potluck. And we’re back, baby! Let’s not get all weepy or hurl accusations about our absence. The Rant has to maintain a certain level … Continued

Magic Rant

The Rant would like to know why all World Cup soccer teams appear to have left their day jobs as male models. The Rant had a man crush on the entire Iranian team. Ronaldo is simply an angelic being sent … Continued

Rant O’Plenty

The Rant remembers just thirty minutes ago with all the yammering heads declaring the death of the Cavs, and the passing of torches, and the wisdom of trading your entire team for Celtics coach Brad Stevens because he could take … Continued

The Rant Has No Name

The Rant prepares to attend the kick-off for U2’s latest world tour. We have seen U2 on many occasions. Once in Vegas, we watched the opening act Damian Marley employ a dude that did nothing but wave an enormous Jamaican … Continued

Readin’, Writin’, Rantin’

The Rant says: The Revolution will be spelled correctly, because here in Oklahoma, the teachers have walked. Fed up with ten years of the systematic gutting of public education by the state legislature, they finally said enough. How bad is … Continued

The Rant Goes Hard to the Cup

The Rant now feels convinced the Cavaliers could trade the entire team for the ghost of George Mikan, 75 year-old Globetrotter Curly Neal, an autographed Bill Russell jersey, and a case of Gatorade, and somehow LeBron James would still get … Continued

Ranter’s Block

The Rant has the dreaded block. We have written and erased enough words to fill a book, a very bad book, with a garish cover and an intro by a person you never heard of but gets paid to soldier … Continued

Last Rant to Brooklyn

The Rant welcomes you 2018. You follow 2017, which left your house trashed and empty except for the Roy Moore bumper sticker on the bathroom door and one naked light-bulb illuminating the sadness within. We believe in you 2018. Make … Continued