So Apocalyptic

Let us run a thought experiment in which everything Evangelicals believe is actually true. Now let’s all set our secret decoder rings, aka The Book of Revelation, to see how this crazy world will all turn out. For those unfamiliar … Continued


The Rant occasionally likes to hunker down with the Cartoon Network and watch the Amazing World of Gumball. This program does not appear during the more gonzo Adult Swim on the CN, but rather exists for the kiddies. How this … Continued

Emerald City Rant

The Rant has been to Seattle, and Seattle has become a giant bong. Apparently the new marijuana laws require you to be within fifty feet of a joint at all times. Actually, we discovered smoking weed in public is forbidden … Continued

Exploratory Rant

The Rant has formed an exploratory committee. We have no idea what this means, but everyone else is doing it, and we don’t want to get left behind like we did with the whole K-Pop thing. We love you Super … Continued


The Rant briefly considered a shutdown, but then the bartender quickly caved to our demands for an old-fashioned. That’s the real art of the deal. Know what to ask for and where to ask for it and win every time. … Continued

Third Rant from the Sun

The Rant would like to remind you the Earth does not care one jot or tittle about our existence. Because the Earth abides, dude. Easy come, easy go. The dinosaurs thought they were all that, too. Unless Captain Orange and … Continued

Rant Reborn

The Rant observes: The head ref for the PlayStation-What-Happened-to-our-Tostitos Fiesta Bowl was whiter than a Mormon potluck. And we’re back, baby! Let’s not get all weepy or hurl accusations about our absence. The Rant has to maintain a certain level … Continued

Three in the Evening

after Richard Brautigan   I’m sitting at the cigar bar, drinking a low carb beer. My ex is lounging in the pit, whispering to another man. So I shout on my way out, “Oh, for heaven’s sake!” Opposites always add … Continued

Welcome to America

His wife said           Baby, are we gonna be okay See Your drastic determination To protect your ideology Led to the separation Of this man’s family His daughter said           Daddy, why … Continued


She came to play And she came to win it I matched her play Not knowing she been it Then it Occurred to her When it Occurred to me That she Been it been it Then it Went left for … Continued