This the Rant, Greg

The Rant would like to have a heart-to-heart. First, no matter how you bedazzle, bejewel, or bling that thing, a fanny pack is still a fanny pack. You look like an old man from Boca that just finished looking for … Continued

Curses Concerning the Cowboy

Abandoned tracks snake through the woods up by Ellijay. A long spot where there ain’t hardly wind, and the air is heavy with dirty, sweet smells that thwack the back of your mouth and sting going down. Chunks of lignite … Continued

Rantster

The Rant recently imagined we had created an analysis of hipsterdom that could be mapped like a Nate Silver electoral projection. If you began at Calliope World Headquarters in Tulsa and radiated outward, hipsters would grow increasingly earnest and humorless … Continued

The Salvation of Cowboy Blue Crawford

Your epic is like walking through a forest. There are times when, looking up, you hope you can see sunlight, but are witness to darkness. Each burst of light is fully absorbed when it breaks through the treetops. Lines like … Continued

Rant on Demand

The Rant has a new bestie: The Criterion Channel. Movie lovers have known Criterion for years as they produced high-end DVD and Blu-Ray editions of films loaded with extras and beautiful art work. They also own Janus Films, which holds … Continued

How Will I Begin

Like the third monkey fighting to get on Noah’s ark! The overthinking ape of excuses I keep hearing – I will not miss the boat because all of you are stuck with me. I am not a monkey, nor the … Continued

Rant Omnibus

The Rant has to attend to a personal matter before we begin: Hey old man with the knee brace jogging across the street. Those shorts are wildly inappropriate; obscene even. We’ve seen less skin from a Vegas chorus girl. And … Continued

The Rant Artist

The Rant has a new favorite in the celebrity profile category: thousands of words and a portfolio of pictures all centered around the theme of a celebrity declaring he hates all the attention and doesn’t care what you, the voracious … Continued

Rantoon

The Rant occasionally likes to hunker down with the Cartoon Network and watch the Amazing World of Gumball. This program does not appear during the more gonzo Adult Swim on the CN, but rather exists for the kiddies. How this … Continued

Emerald City Rant

The Rant has been to Seattle, and Seattle has become a giant bong. Apparently the new marijuana laws require you to be within fifty feet of a joint at all times. Actually, we discovered smoking weed in public is forbidden … Continued