The Rant would posit a simple understanding of a country’s general well-being: How easy/difficult is it to be a Nobody? Let’s define a Nobody as a person that wields little power outside their family and social circle, has little access … Continued
The Rant is excited to announce that we have been named the head of the Department of Unwinding Craptacular Hopeless Elites, or DOUCHE. Who knew that concentrating all wealth and power in the hands of emotionally stunted, egomaniacal, raging white … Continued
The Rant has always found America’s belief that a simple gesture, normally tinged with hysteria, can solve its systemic problems as oddly amusing. We offer up the current iteration: The fate of TikTok. Let’s review: The TikTok is a video … Continued
The Rant has only one New Year’s resolution: avoid the Norovirus at all costs. Once the province of cruise ships, (Come for the buffet, stay for the vomiting! Would you like a side of seasickness with that? Enjoy), the Norovirus … Continued
“Of all the Charlie Browns in the world, you’re the Charlie Browniest.”—A Charlie Brown Christmas The Rant understands. You’re out there trying to maintain that holiday cheer while haunted by the never-ending doubt that you missed an online coupon that … Continued
The Rant ponders the following: I. Are the hosts/judges/widespread panic panelists of The Masked Singer given a drug that renders them ignorant of how the show works each week? Because unless Donnie Wahlberg is the greatest acting coach since Stanislavski, … Continued
The Rant would point out that the key word in the phrase “Take America Back” is the last word. American culture has always suffered from a crippling nostalgia that began almost simultaneously with wresting the resources and land of the … Continued
As one of only two licensed rantologists in the United States, we’d like to send a shout out to Kevin Durant, basketball god and delightful enigma, for putting the smackdown on Stephen A. Smith, professional shouter at ESPN, soon to … Continued
Rant Note: The Rant offers for your seasonal pleasure our fall rant that we have always run in October provided we have the energy to rant. You can ignore the picturesque opening as today the temperature has hit 90 here … Continued
Where the hell have we been? We could easily ask you the same. The Rant had a brief Moment during the pandemic: sterling wordplay; burgeoning audience; next-level semi-colon use. Like you, we had dreams, man. Remember that heady afternoon when … Continued