The Wednesday Pop Culture Rant begrudgingly offers our congratulations to The Singularity, we mean Alabama, on winning the national championship. The grim efficiency of the Tide’s all-star team, cheered on by fans that would call the police if any of the athletes showed up on their street, kind of crushes the joy right out of the sport. Nick Saban, who makes Bill Belichick look like the opening act at the Chuckle Hut1, coaches as though his family were being held for ransom. Yawn. At least Bear Bryant had a sassy hat.

The Rant would like to inform any celebrities gunning for Disturbing Couple of the Year honors to just move on because we already have a winner. Rupert Murdoch, 84, media mogul and owner of the alternative reality channel Fox News, and Jerry Hall, 59, model, actress, and Mick Jagger partner,2 are a thing. The Rant means that on so many levels. The couple announced their engagement in a one paragraph blurb in Murdoch’s London paper The Times, under the Births, Deaths, and Marriages section. We assume he got a discount rate. Google the pictures of the happy couple if you must, but The Rant recommends waiting at least an hour to go swimming afterwards.

Murdoch’s genius has been monetizing America’s enjoyment of feeling self-righteous about being scared and angry, practiced by the Salem city council, Senator Joseph McCarthy, and Jerry Falwell among others. The barrage of acrimony spewing from Fox’s talking heads has even managed to make people scared and angry about anything that could make their lives better.

The Inquisitor in Dostoyevsky’s The Brothers Karamazov tells Jesus people will always give up their freedom for bread and a full belly. Murdoch has somehow managed to convince people to abandon both their freedom and the ability to acquire bread so he can enjoy increasing amounts of both at their expense.

  1. Belichick showed up at his press conference this week sporting a mysterious black eye The Rant is convinced was self-administered so Belichick could spin his Jedi mind tricks over the media and opposing teams.
  2. Before Mick, Hall was engaged to Bryan Ferry of Roxy Music. Jagger allegedly stole Hall’s affections at a dinner party. That whole mess and the songs it produced are worthy of the Rock ‘n Roll Hall of Fame

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