The Wednesday Pop Culture Rant couldn’t decide whether to fire up the rant machine as a group called eBible Fellowship has declared the world will end today. The online congregation loves each other but apparently not enough to gather in the same room. They list Philadelphia as their headquarters which may explain the situation. In case you were wondering, Jesus still has his AOL email address because he thinks it’s retro cool and confuses the kids. The Holy Spirit has ongoing litigation with Twitter over intellectual property rights and trademark infringement. God still communicates analog via portents and archangels.
We decided to rant away as eBible has predicted the apocalypse before and failed in their calculations. But this time they are really, really sure and totally sincere. The Rant would like to know the precise moment sincerity replaced facts as the litmus test for reality. We’re sure some people in South Carolina sincerely believed climate change was a hoax and now they’re tossing carp out of the living room window. Stay strong Palmetto State.
The Rant has noticed there has been a lot of apocalypsin’ going on this week. Our favorite moment of impending wrath occurred in Tennessee where Blount County Commissioner Karen Miller submitted a resolution asking the Almighty take the fire and brimstone elsewhere over gay marriage: “We adopt this Resolution before God that He pass us by in His Coming Wrath and not destroy our County as He did Sodom and Gomorrah and the neighboring cities.” The Rant could hardly wait for the donnybrook at the commissioner’s meeting, but the rest of the Blount County crew got cold feet and cancelled the meeting with some procedural sleight-of-hand. There’s not enough frowny emoticons in the world to express our disappointment.
The Rant muses that when Good Country People like Miller get in a huff over what they perceive as the sins of others they want some Old Testament smitin’ to go down, but when it comes to their own faults they long for New Testament grace. If Miller wanted to impress The Rant she should have offered up a resolution that the smitin’ fall upon her and spare everyone else. We think we’ve heard a story like that before, but maybe we’re mistaken. Perhaps the eBible gang can help us out with the details if we’re still here tomorrow.
