The Wednesday Pop Culture Rant would like to say, “hello summer, you’re looking tan and hot.” So frolic ye woodland nymphs, stir the summer breezes airy sylphs. Too old school? Must be the heat. The Rant has spacious offices here at Calliope Crashes World Headquarters, but sometimes we wonder if we should decamp to the ocean shore come July. Given the pace of climate change, however, The Rant speculates that the Land of Woody will soon offer beachfront property with ocean views, so we’ll just stay hunkered down in front of the oscillating fan.1

The Rant understands the Angry Sweet Potato running for president can get a body worked up to a lather, but we say relax and enjoy some summer fun. Go have a beer. May we suggest a gose? Gose (pronounced go-za) hails from Germany and includes lactobacillus bacteria and a top fermentation style that make the beer salty and sour. Crisp and normally under 5% alcohol, The Rant suggests a long evening drinking gose and eating hot links and Nathan’s hot dogs to erase all memory of politics from your mind.

Amber Leroux finds your use of a fishing rod cute. And a little sad
blue whale
Even Ahab endorses a visit to The Blue Whale

After you have reached a Zen restfulness, head into the water for some fish noodling. Eschewing sissy rods and tackle, noodlers reach into the muddy lair of a catfish and snatch him out bare handed. The whole process makes A River Runs Through It look like a snooty high tea with white gloves and watercress sandwiches. Naturally the epicenter of noodling occurs at the Okie Noodling Tournament. The Rant’s giving you a heads up for next year, so start practicing. After you finish, you can head head east through Oklahoma and dream of noodling The Blue Whale.

The perfect summer requires tunes, so The Rant suggests making yourself happy with a covers playlist that re-imagines your favorites. Start with Johnny Cash owning “Personal Jesus,” try Peter Gabriel and Hot Chip diving into “Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa” with Gabriel name-checking himself in the lyrics, rock out to Jack White’s “Love is Blindness,” and bring it home with Chris Cornell’s “Billie Jean.” You’ve been drinking gose while listening haven’t you? Does The Rant have to think of everything?

Summer movies? Yes please. The Rant would go Jaws, Footloose, Lawrence of Arabia, Casablanca, The Sandlot, Airplane, and Plan 9 From Outer Space (with Mystery Science Theater 3000 providing commentary). Viewing any of these while floating in a swimming pool earns bonus points and an extra gose.

Summer planned. You’re welcome. While you enjoy the summer delights and put your frets and cares behind you, lift a gose to The Rant and we’ll do the same.


  1. What’s that? You pine for a song singing the praises of said fan? Big Smith and The Rant are happy to oblige

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