If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him.

If you were to vanquish your desire, you might become enlightened. Or so the Buddha seemed to say after gaining his own enlightenment under the Bodhi tree. But people ascribe many things to the Buddha under the Bodhi. Such as the notion that life is suffering. But that is nonsense as the Buddha always had a good time. Desire causes suffering and as most of us seem to ache with desire most of our lives, the confusion could prove understandable.

If you want nothing, you are a selfless person; if you need nothing, you have become a person that receives all things as a gift. I am neither enlightened or selfless or void of desire, but knowing so might equip me to kill many Buddhas on the road. Perhaps with Hattori Hanzo’s sword.

If you meet the Buddha on Twitter, block him; if you meet the Buddha on Facebook, unlike him; if you meet the Buddha on Tinder, swipe left. You need more time under the Bodhi tree not on Snapchat.

Hold all you possess in an open hand we learned in church. If God wants it, he can have it. But chances are he just appreciates the gesture and will give you even more. The Buddha has nothing in his hand and zero interest in what’s in yours.

The West loves the Buddha because he asks nothing, requires nothing, expects nothing. The West waves merrily to the Buddha on the road.

The sound of one hand clapping is the entire universe in contented silence with no one to take a selfie to document its truth.


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