The Wednesday Pop Culture Rant says let’s Make America Safe Again and commence to banning even more people. Like the shady guy in produce at our local supermarket. The Rant has information from reliable sources in Frozen Foods that Mr. Produce was responsible for the horrific Broccoli Green massacre. Not even reported in the media. What are you afraid of Aldi’s? Sad. You’ll be singing a different tune when they come for your cauliflower.

Hey Betsy DeVos, what’s a Pell Grant? That what we thought. Deported!

Connect the dots, people. Tom Brady. Impossible Super Bowl comeback. Foreign wife. Any day now they’ll be waking up that sleeper cell and everyone in Boston will be forced to get Brazilian waxes and wear UGG Boots. Pack up the Brady clan and send them to Rio. And the rest of the Patriots just to be safe. What better cover than to play for a team named the Patriots. Think about it. The Rant has.

Really, aren’t Mormons just Muslims that wear hijabs you can’t see? We’d ship out the whole crew but The Rant can’t think of anywhere more isolated than Utah.

Jimmy Fallon tries way too hard to be liked. Terrorist. Gone.

Do we really believe Ryan Gosling can be that good looking and play the piano? Diabolical Canadian cyborg set to self-destruct at the Oscars. Back to Moosejaw for you, pretty boy.

We would question the wisdom of Melania remaining in the country, but The Rant has the suspicion she was deported from the White House and is being held prisoner in Trump Tower. I regret that I have but one life to give for my country, she sighed as the black Escalade sped away into the night. A quote machine that Melania.

The Rant shipped our children to a black site prison weeks ago after they seemed just a bit too chummy with the Pakistani cashier at the convenience store. You must be vigilant, America. Just think how safe the country will be when everyone is gone but President Trump and his billionaire swamp buddies. Freeeedddddooooooommmmmm! Enjoy it from your cell in Gitmo.

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