The Wednesday Pop Culture Rant1 is getting a late start as we loaned our car to Bill Belichick, and he returned it with the tires deflated. Thank you. The Rant will be here all week; be sure to tip your waiter. Movie pitch: Belichick and Nick Saban form a football team with prisoners from Gitmo. They run roughshod over the NFL. Just when it looks like evil in a cakewalk to the Super Bowl, Denzel Washington and a rag-tag team of players from the now-defunct CMAIFL (Canadian, Mexican, American Indian Football League. Stay with me. Jim Thorpe’s grandson is involved) go on a winning streak after an inspiring musical montage, steal the last wild card spot, respond to Denzel’s halftime eloquence, and defeat the Gitmo Goons on a two-point conversion in the rain. And the snow, Indoors. Cue soundtrack produced by Pharrell. I can practically smell the Malibu beachfront property.
While we are on the subject of movies, The Rant would like to congratulate Selma on the best picture nomination, although MLK does more overcoming in the movie than the director, Ava DuVernay, has been able to do in the present. DuVernay, a gifted artist who happens to be an African American woman, got no nomination. The Rant would like to suggest that had Stephen Spielberg directed Selma we would be hearing about nothing else. Apparently Hollywood doesn’t care about the content of DuVernay’s character or her directing skills. Maybe they should watch Selma a few more times.
Time’s-a-wastin’, let’s get rantin’: The Rant has become utterly exhausted trying to keep track of all the services we must subscribe to in order to watch and listen to our entertainment. Is that on Netflix or Amazon Prime? Wait, now Hulu. I can listen to that single on Spotify but not Pandora but I have to belong to iTunes to download the entire album. Not to mention DIrecTV and the internet and the cell and the app to run the Google Play which is the only one with that movie this week. I don’t even know how to find a book anymore.
Get your act together time-diverting pleasures. The government has a giant bunker of servers out in the desert storing all our email and phone calls and texts and selfies. Buy that thing out, store all amusements upon it, and charge me one price for the privilege. I’m all in. Call it The Stream. You’re telling me there isn’t enough Benjamins for everyone in that plan? Must The Rant think of everything? I have to come up with the blockbuster film franchise and figure out distribution? You disappoint me media behemoths.
Once you get The Stream up and running, you’ll have enough free time to call Ava with an apology and a six picture deal with Spielberg producing.