The Rant abides. From glen to glen and down the mountainside. Over the river and through the woods. Staying alive no matter what occurs. Of all the gin joints in all the towns of the world, The Rant walks in and drinks your milkshake; we drink it up. Just like a rolling stone. So if you want to kiss the sky, you better learn how to kneel. You’re going to need a bigger boat to carry all these quotes home. We just want you to know, we’re all pulling for you. And don’t call us Shirley. You’re killing me Smalls, and I’m falling apart here. But it’s better to reign in hell than serve in heaven. That’s why we’re going to Mobile.1
The Rant could go on and on, but you get the picture. We have a quote for every occasion. Once in high school we made a pithy quip, and our friend that went on to direct shows like The West Wing and Game of Thrones,2 asked, “Who said that?” because our conversations consisted of an endless string of quotes from movies, song lyrics, television shows, and books. We said it, The Rant replied. He was mightily impressed.
We didn’t know we were geeky fanboys back then. Having a tribe that understood and appreciated us was enough. And we didn’t have the internet to ruin everything. Memorizing the minutiae of what we loved had currency Hating things simply distracted you from the joy of what brought you all closer. Except for Leif Garrett. My friend’s older brother orchestrated an endless campaign of disdain toward Garrett. My friend and his brother were both talented artists, and they produced t-shirts, posters, and decals denigrating Garrett and extolling the virtues of their hero Clint Eastwood, circa The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly.
Now you can understand how The Rant turned out this way. We wouldn’t change a thing. Now get away from Kristy McNichol, Leif.
- Anyone identifying all the above quotes will receive a shiny silver dollar from The Rant and a box set of The Facts of Life on VHS. And yes we loved Nancy McKeon not Lisa Welchel. Please. We would have loved Tootie, but we had been informed such things were not permitted
- Alex Graves, if you were wondering. That’s the only shameless name dropping The Rant can muster. Oh wait, Greg Kinnear sat at the table next to us once at a restaurant. Remember when Greg was The Next Big Thing? Us either