The Wednesday Pop Culture Rant would like Mets fans to know that’s just how the Royals do business there in Kansas City. You probably weren’t aware since we don’t reside in a precious “major market” on the coast and our players don’t date Kardashians or stay out all night getting bottle service with shady Russian oligarchs. We just win in the most entertaining ways possible, and we’ll string you along for fourteen innings just to make things interesting.

Here in the heartland our shade-grown pour-over coffee tastes the same as yours; we just don’t get all pretentious about it and act like we invented hot water and coffee grounds. The Rant can walk out in a field and point at the cow we want once it gets all beefy and tender grazing on the prairie. That’s farm to table, baby, no restaurant serving nitrogen-foam gravy required.

We send all our most beautiful people to Hollywood and all our smartest kids to MIT and Stanford. You’re welcome.

Yes, the wide open spaces can overwhelm, but we have time to think and think big. Our phones push the same social media, our televisions broadcast the same shows, our movie screens flicker with the same films. The Rant would like to point out there are no boring places only boring people.

The next time you’re sitting traffic, bear in mind Siri just informed us it will take six minutes to commute home; we don’t have the ocean but we do have fish noodling; we can see Metric, Tame Impala, Merle Haggard, and Run the Jewels in the same week without going bankrupt; the entire Rant Worldwide Headquarters cost less than a walk-in closet in Chelsea.

We just don’t like to brag so the Mets fans and everyone else will go home when the game is over.

Leave a Reply