The Rant got all giddy making it to Five Golden Rants until we realized we weren’t even halfway finished. Why does the song get all hot and bothered like that so early in the proceedings?

The Rant won’t lie; we have nothing very golden to proclaim We’re in the midst of the holidays giving us the fantods. They grow more fantoddy every year. This season consists of everyone striving to do things absolutely no one wants to do. Would the entire culture really collapse if we just stayed home in our pajamas and ate cookie butter straight out of the jar until the new year? How about The Rant’s gift to you is to leave you the hell alone? You got me the same thing? Bless you.

Take all the money you were going to spend on gifts and hand out the cash at a homeless shelter. The idea the people there are any less worthy than the motley crew we call our families is laughable, and they actually need the help. And when your Aunt May gets her bloomers all in a bunch, simply say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know being a decent person wasn’t allowed during the holidays any more.” War on Christmas indeed.

The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion–Camus

Give yourself some freedom this year. Indulge in some rebellion. When you realize nothing you do matters, every choice you make will become liberating.


Leave a Reply