When I was growing up, my father served as a deacon in our Baptist church. One day he described the arduous task facing strangers that asked the church for help. Forms to complete, stories to corroborate, character to assess. “What … Continued
Now that The Rant has deciphered the rhythms of The Glorious Regime of The Glorious Leader II (Believe me, brothers and sisters, this time it’s personal. But now 50% less intelligible than the original!), we have decided to found a … Continued
Evangelicals have a desperate need to be cool. From their trademark infringement t-shirts (Jesus is the Real Thing, made to look like the Coca-Cola logo), to their pop music that sorta sounds like pop music, to their movies, all starring … Continued
The Rant offers the following scenario: One day while innocently cruising the internet, you stumble on a site called The Colon Guys. To your amazement, you’re on it under a byline that reads, What’s He Hiding? Apparently your forgot to … Continued
“Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.”—Seneca The Rantosphere has been abuzz with the notion that The Rant might have grown a wee bit too dark of late. We don’t know what you’re talking about. Just because … Continued
The Rant would posit a simple understanding of a country’s general well-being: How easy/difficult is it to be a Nobody? Let’s define a Nobody as a person that wields little power outside their family and social circle, has little access … Continued
The Rant is excited to announce that we have been named the head of the Department of Unwinding Craptacular Hopeless Elites, or DOUCHE. Who knew that concentrating all wealth and power in the hands of emotionally stunted, egomaniacal, raging white … Continued
The philosopher Michel Foucault once wrote: “the body becomes a useful force only if it is a productive body and a subjected body.” Foucault was describing society in economic and political terms, but he might as well been describing my … Continued
The Rant has always found America’s belief that a simple gesture, normally tinged with hysteria, can solve its systemic problems as oddly amusing. We offer up the current iteration: The fate of TikTok. Let’s review: The TikTok is a video … Continued
The Rant has only one New Year’s resolution: avoid the Norovirus at all costs. Once the province of cruise ships, (Come for the buffet, stay for the vomiting! Would you like a side of seasickness with that? Enjoy), the Norovirus … Continued