Back Into Soft Waters

i beseech the gods the universe the fates
to allow the most minute molecular part of me
to accept the moments as they come
don’t just rage against the dying light
find purpose in dawning
in the middle of the road
even in the natural logarithm of emotional entropy
for those who struggled against its engulfing embrace
but found comfort in death’s unyielding arms
and for yourself who has longed for
the comfort of embracing that same darkness
because you can still feel it encroaching
but have come so far
decay no longer renders you catatonic
you still long to spread your wings and fall
but eyes to the sky
no fear
not forward but back into soft waters
unflinchingly accepting arrival of whatever may be
knowing it might be a struggle
to swim against the tides
but for all of her mistakes
your momma still enrolled you in swimming lessons
a truce between trauma and self-hate
forgiveness for your desire and inability to control
nothing like before
no looking down
panicking until impact
allow yourself to fall back into life
knowing you can’t outsmart certainty or chance
denying to sever your own thread
is the surest path to reclaiming power
refusing to recreate another vacuumed void
reverses the gravitational pull of sorrow’s black hole
a time travel of sorts
not back to a shared past
where the fates still await
but towards a multiverse of memory
where fate does not exist
moments of perfection suspended in space
the perfect vantage point for observing
the natural expansion and contraction of the universe
where you finally remember
how to breathe through the pain
and learn to smile again
exultation through exhalation
breathing life to the most minute molecular part of me