Rant Spike

The Rant knew that at some point during the pandemic someone would craft the perfect COVID humblebrag. So imagine our excitement when this showed up in the old Twitter feed: Hey, just wanted to let everyone know I found out … Continued

Parallel Duck

If a duck can look forlorn, the female waddling at the corner of my street appeared so. I recognized her from the park a few blocks over. She and her mate, with a fabulous green head, show up each spring … Continued

Flattening the Rant

The Rant needs to say what everyone is thinking: if you are involved in the paper-folding arts, and you use more than one piece of paper for your creation, you are not doing origami; if you cut the paper with … Continued

Kemosabe Quarantine

In the learning distance, in the social distance,  in the lengths I’ll go to abscond with  whatever I can get away with  at a safe distance from your up close and personal  dysfunction, in the six feet of separation from … Continued


The Rant has emerged from our self-imposed exile inside a vat of Purell. We briefly considered checking in at the spa for the new tanning bed/Lysol cleanse (with a free coupon to the ICU of your choice!) but decided to … Continued

Inter-Generational Stupidity and the Pandemic

My generation has long been a scapegoat for all the modern ails of society. From the crash of the housing market to the perceived widespread “softening” of culture, to the death of Applebee’s. Nevermind that most of us obeyed our … Continued

Faith Over Fear (?)

Children are praying, again, on sidewalks And park-gazing fences, chalking holy memes In rainbow colors to turn back the clock, To playground afternoons before the quarantine. Shall I chide them for such puerile instruction? Or grind their metaphysical lenses To … Continued

Pandemic Wisdom

A toilet paper roll in the hand is worth the five-hundred the clerk swears is arriving in the next delivery. The President has not come to praise America but to bury it. Measure twice, wash your hands sixty-seven times. Early … Continued