The Rant Goes Hard to the Cup

The Rant now feels convinced the Cavaliers could trade the entire team for the ghost of George Mikan, 75 year-old Globetrotter Curly Neal, an autographed Bill Russell jersey, and a case of Gatorade, and somehow LeBron James would still get … Continued

Ranter’s Block

The Rant has the dreaded block. We have written and erased enough words to fill a book, a very bad book, with a garish cover and an intro by a person you never heard of but gets paid to soldier … Continued

Last Rant to Brooklyn

The Rant welcomes you 2018. You follow 2017, which left your house trashed and empty except for the Roy Moore bumper sticker on the bathroom door and one naked light-bulb illuminating the sadness within. We believe in you 2018. Make … Continued

On the Twelfth Day of Rantmas

The Rant remembers around day six of Rantmas as we trembled, locked in our tiny garrett, down to our last few sheets of vellum while subsisting on a meager diet of absinthe and Haribo gummy bears. The Rant won’t lie: … Continued

On the Eleventh Day of Rantmas

The Rant now believes goodness flows from the heart like jazz. You improvise with the person or situation in front of you and create a tune of righteousness. Some days you find the groove and some days you just play … Continued

On the Tenth Day of Rantmas

The Rant queued up It’s a Wonderful Life like we do every year. This time around we were struck by how the character of Mr. Potter echoes so many of our present tensions: a disgust with immigrants (he calls the … Continued

On the Ninth Day of Rantmas

The Rant abides. From glen to glen and down the mountainside. Over the river and through the woods. Staying alive no matter what occurs. Of all the gin joints in all the towns of the world, The Rant walks in … Continued

On the Eighth Day of Rantmas

The Rant has been reading Grant by Ron Chernow of Hamilton fame. We can’t wait for the Lin Manuel Miranda musical. Nothing makes the wholesale slaughter of Americans in the Civil War go down easier than a freestyle rap. We’re … Continued

On the Seventh Day of Rantmas

The Rant asks: guess who’s getting a tax break? Not you my brothers and sisters. Unless you bathe in the tears of the children making your designer shoes and pay someone to register surprise because you’re Botox-ridden face can’t, you … Continued

On the Sixth Day of Rantmas

Wow. Things got a little dark over in Rantmas yesterday. We’re talking Charlie-Brown-kills-the-wee-Christmas-tree dark, Skinny-Santa-shames-the-Rudolph-family dark. But we’re back Ranatics. Every holiday season has a dark night of the soul. We’ve had ours. The Rant, logging some time at the … Continued